Re-Imagine: Advent 3 reflection

This Advent, I feel like Mary. The most obvious way is that Mary was preparing for a child, like my husband and I are by becoming foster parents. But I feel like Mary in more nuanced ways too. Like when Mary is visited by the angel and doesn't quite understand how she could be pregnant. Am I really old enough, smart enough, kind enough to become a parent? Also, when Mary eventually has to break it to Joseph that she is carrying a baby, how terrifying is that? What impact will foster care have on my marriage? Or when Mary, who is heavily pregnant, must travel through the desert to be registered by the Emperor's command. What changes will I need to make to satisfy the State? Mary was called by God to re-imagine for herself a life where she mothers Jesus. Mary likely had all sorts of ideas growing up, of what she would do, who she might be, we all like to imagine what we are going to do next, like we know what is coming, like we can plan it all out and it will go smoothly.

And then this life changing moment occurs, one that could derail her entire life. She is the unwed, pregnant mother, of the son of God. Vulnerable to the wounded pride of her betrothed and the scorn of her society, she is told "Do not be afraid", trust in God, and don't ask too many questions about the mechanics of your pregnancy. This, to me, does not feel like the time I would choose to "re-imagine" my life. It would feel more appropriate to throw a fit by this point, "You've ruined all of my plans!" "What will happen to me?" "This is impossible!!" "What will Joseph say?!". She was 13 after all, it is practically your job to freak out when things don't go according to plan when you are 13. But Mary didn't. And I am fighting so hard, to be like Mary. Do not be afraid. Trust in God. As we frantically prepare our hearts, minds, and home for the joy and challenges of children, we are re-imagining ourselves in every way, and the worst part about it is that, no matter how much preparation and planning we do, we cannot tell you what will happen next.

-Elaine Ogden